“Five-and-a-half percent THC to eight percent CBD?” I asked, laughing and shaking my head at this foolishness. I don’t have money to waste on medicine that doesn’t work! Maybe it was a mistake, some poor aberration of gardening, flower that one of the new cultivators had grown poorly and sold out of desperation. Imagine my surprise to find later that these odd ratios were intended and available from the online seed banks. Intrigued, I began to reconsider my position.

I know that the high-THC/high-CBD Harlequin made by Holistic Remedies here in D.C. is helpful for projects that require focus, but it carries a significant drawback for me. This sativa doesn’t help my mood much, so if my attention gets deterred from my task, I get quite annoyed. Like every aficionado of cannabis, I’ve spent a lifetime searching for my own perfect medicine and I won’t let some oddball lab results keep me from finding out if one of these is somehow better than my beloved OG Kush. I snapped a pair of goggles on, bravely strapped myself into the human experimentation chamber and threw askance my ascot. This was going to be the most science ever, you guys.

I collected five samples of flower from my dispensary, ranging from 0 percent THC/17 percent CBD to 16.5 percent THC/11 percent CBD (Cookie Drizzle, Cherry Drops, Green Skunk, Honeydew Kush, & Dreamsicle Skunk, for those playing along at home). I also bought a half-gram of MediHaze Honey Oil, which clocks in at 50 percent THC/46 percent CBD.

At first, I tried different dosing times in my day and evening regimens with these CBD strains, but that quickly proved a dangerous idea. I didn’t feel anxious—that was as advertised—but missing THC to provide buoyance to my thoughts, my depression rose and raged like an untethered Kong. It made me tired and disagreeable during the day; it kept me awake at bedtime. I shut this phase down after a few days and tried addition instead. I smoked some of my usual bud, then a second bowl of each test subject. This accomplished much the same effect as the Harlequin by itself (as did the honey oil). After a week, I felt dull and diminished. I felt like my mind was inside a box made of boxes, every word another boring, little box to be stacked and sorted.

Sure, the muscles in my neck, back and shoulders all felt a bit looser than if they had suffered the typical week of neglect, but nothing is worth being the calm and miserable Mister Box. I still have half the flower I bought and no plans to use it, but I like the oil for writing and as a pre-workout. No doubt, this amazing little cannabinoid is saving lives and changing minds towards cannabis across our nation—but it’s not for everyone, folks.

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